yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
