I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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