Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
