OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
