I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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