If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
