There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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