his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
