Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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