Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it because I queefed?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
