How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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