butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
