My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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