i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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