I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize