im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
