At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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