So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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