So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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