i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
