I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
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Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
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I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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