Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
