I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
