You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
