We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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