if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
