she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize