It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
