I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
