how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
