i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
