my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
