I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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