I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
