38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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