well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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