If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
