Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
