He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Vodka?
Forever.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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