DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
