hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
