im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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