If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
How's work?
Spinning.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
