my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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