I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
