so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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