Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
