loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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