You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
