I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
