3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
