I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
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STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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