is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
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And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.