And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
31 Times Kim Kardashian Showed Her Love For Balmain
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
19 Tricks To Help You Join The Mile High Club
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.