Dual....:-)
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
She's the barista slut.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
