He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
