Umm I'm too high to move.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
