Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
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You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
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A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
YAS. BRING CRAB.