the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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