I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize