How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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