lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
