erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
