oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
