So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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