After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
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I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
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Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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