I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
