Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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