Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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