some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
