Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
