Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
