I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
