Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
