If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Semen is not good for contacts.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
