Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
