So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
