Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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