pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
