So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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