With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
