I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
