Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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