So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
